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[If he took issue with it (he didn't) Waver didn't raise an objection. Just took a slow breath and lifted his head, accepting the glass with an exhausted and halfhearted smile.]

Thanks. I do appreciate the company, I don't know about you but I probably would have gone completely mad were I stuck in my own head alone.

[A small dip of his head in acknowledgement before in a move unlike him, he backed the shot down in one go. More of a testament to how he felt than anything he could say.

Didn't even flinch aside from his tail. He shook his head.]

I do better around others. [He sighed softly.] I apologize, I... don't often let my anger get the better of me.

Why are you apologizing for that?

[Asking like it was the most absurd thing in the world, Waver downed his own shot with barely a wince and frowned.]

If someone could look at all that while having no trouble controlling their anger or frustration, I'd probably think they had no soul.

[Had no soul... The only reason Takame thought he had one at all was because Hythlodaeus and Emet-Selch were able to see it.

Without that tangible proof, he'd assume the only thing he could feel was anger because that was the only thing he knew how to identify. Good thing he brought the bottle along too because he's serving another shot.]

I'm rarely at liberty to allow my emotions to manifest. [Said setting the bottle back down, then clenching his fist.] It is, ah... a difficult habit I've been trying to break.

...I can understand the feeling. [He sighed, running a hand back through untied hair.]

It's-...I can't act like the Association is a lot better than all of that, because it's not. Mage society is just as broken and horrifying as anything here, and we--they act as though they're above such paltry things as human sentiment. If any of today had happened back at home, I wouldn't have been able to show a damn thing over it no matter how I felt.

...In that regard, this place isn't that bad. There's nothing to hide from and no obligation for either of us to say anything but how fucking abhorrent that all is.

Mm. I needed to stand as the pillar of what a hero should be in my world. Others here did as well. And I'd prefer to hold the line so that they may feel freely, separate from our title.

[He still did it. Rhel offered to take it, but he refused. She had emotions to feel. She... she had more humanity than he did.]

Perhaps we don't need to hide it here. [But this was his shut down mode. Something to keep him from crashing.]

There is yet much to do. We've no means to infiltrate Krusnik, however if Zodiac is plotting something sinister we may have the chance to stop them. We... we need to do something.

I'm... [Whatever he'd been about to say stuck in his throat in a confused tangle. One of the twelve Lords whose presence commanded power and influence? A knight of the Fianna who could not, would not stand for such injustices?]

[Or just a terrified human that pressed a hand to his face in deep exhaustion?]

We...we will. I promise you whatever happens, whatever we find out from here on...I'll be there to stop it.

[Takame wasn't gonna force it out of him. He could barely force himself to say anything.

He was too busy attempting to figure out where the Warrior of Light ended and Takame Kesi began. Right now he was the former because it was easier... or so he thought. The high running emotions within him, anger and fear and sadness only one of which he knew by name, were all Takame through and through.

He just didn't know it yet.]

I won't let it come to pass either. No matter what. I swear it. [As ever with resolute conviction. He had people here he wanted to protect so desperately...]

['I swear this on my honor as a knight. We shall see the end together, whether that end is ours or our enemies'.']

[For just a second, he stared at Takame like he wasn't honestly sure who he was seeing. A right hand marked by peculiar scars raised to his throat, fidgeting restlessly with the silver chain beneath his collar.]

You won't be doing it alone. I doubt either of us will be, but I'm...

['Everything y-you've done for me...I swear I won't waste it.']

[He didn't. He didn't waste the life his first friend had sacrificed himself to preserve. Becoming Lord El-Melloi II was a necessity, power gained to achieve an impossible goal. Armor to safeguard what could not survive in a den of serpents like the Clock Tower, steel that risked becoming an iron maiden to destroy the human who hid within it.]

[He took a slow breath, hand closing around the half-hidden pendant.]

[Green eyes hardened, turning sharp and tempered with resolve.]

...I am a knight. I made a promise, and I never break my word. We can't stop every single casualty or save every single person, that's an unrealistic ideal that can never be attained. But so long as I have the power to help someone, then I'm going to do everything I can with what little strength I have.

[And yet he would kill his own humanity to do it if that was what it took. The act of a mage and a Lord, not of a knight. But...that was necessary. 'Waver Velvet' couldn't protect anyone. He was weak, afraid, and always waiting for someone to save him at the last second. Someone like that was worthless, especially now.]

Whatever happens, we'll do all that we can together to protect whoever we're able to.

[Takame knew he was not alone. He could very well act as a one-man army, but an offensive expert alone accomplished only so much. But even acting with others, he had to be the strength. The epitome of strength, the beacon of light that will guide the realm.

As long as people were in danger. As long as he had someone to protect at all costs. Takame Kesi would come second to that.

Realizing Takame Kesi's desire to keep his loved ones safe was integrated with his title would come second.

But as he looked to Waver and nodded, he didn't see a weak man. He saw someone worthy of the utmost respect, the highest honor. Higher than him. With strength of spirit and heart, qualities necessary for a true knight.]

We will. [His tone softened.] Thank you, Waver.

No--I should be thanking you. [He shook his head, hardened resolve lessening into something calmer.] I can't do this alone. I don't have the strength to fight without help, at least not physically. I can say whatever I like, but I can't follow through on it with one good leg and weak magecraft. So I'm glad to have support, both from you and everyone else.

You won't be alone. Whatever comes to pass we will take care of it with allies by our side. Even I cannot act alone. [He sighed, allowing himself to finally lean back on the couch.]

The people here deserve to be kept safe. And... they will be.

Yeah. I don't-...

[He trailed off, leaning back with a heavy sigh and hand pressed to his face.]

...I don't want to have to see the results of what happens when people like that are left unchecked. Not again.

Nor do I. [He won't ask Waver to elaborate on whether he means the victims here or on his world. Though speaking of this realm's victims...

He took another sip of his drink before leaning back again.]

The young man answering questions about Krusnik. Do you know him well?

[Waver paused like he almost wanted to say more, but the color drained from his face at the thought and he swiftly shook his head trying to clear it. After a second to collect himself:]

Well enough to trust his word. Nightroad and I argue on occasion, but he's a good enough kid at heart. Little too serious, but that makes a hell of a lot more sense now.

Edited 2023-03-03 16:42 (UTC)

Mm, I see. I've only seen him on occasion. [The things you don't expect from the barista ringing you up. But the more Takame thought on it, the more rage built in his heart. The more reminders of himself and his experiences. As always his tone was steady and his expression somber but comparatively neutral to the maelstrom in his heart.

A glance at his body language showed how close he was to a boiling point. A tightened grip of his glass and his free hand moving to hover over a scar on the bend of his left arm.

The way his tail trembled and its scales seemed to lift like hair standing on end.]

He's still quite young. Too young to have gone through such a thing.

It's-...

[Waver stopped at a brief glance over to Takame, trailing off and setting his glass down.]

[It was familiar, wasn't it? Called to mind gold eyes burning with murderous rage, paired with a too-calm voice and too-rational mind. He'd had to be rational, because his Master had become a horrified mess surrounded by corpses. Had to push back his indignation and fury for the sake of a terrified child, who even now woke up in the middle of the night from memories of river water and blood.]

Takame. [A light hand was placed on his companion's forearm, marked by the faintest shape of wings and a blade.]

['Look back on this moment saying 'I did the right thing, even if others may blame me for it,' and stand by your decisions no matter what.']

I need you to look at me and take a deep breath. Remember where we are, and try to focus.

[The sheer amount of emotion Takame felt threatened to drown him. He was angry... the only thing he knew he could feel. But he was also afraid, lost in the memories of berating and beating upon failed missions. Incorrect exam answers. A hair or scale out of place.

Interrupted by the body he walked in that was not his. Zenos in his body painting Camp Broken Glass with his allies' blood.

The confusion, concern he felt after he killed Zodiark. He didn't know what it would bring, he knew he failed. He didn't know what Zodiac would bring.

He didn't know what Krusnik would do.

He didn't know...

He didn't know...!!]

...!

[His name being called didn't register, but the touch did. Something to return him to Earth in the midst of his spiral. Though even then, it took his somewhat wild gaze a fair amount of time to focus.

Anyone else would be on the verge of tears, their eyes foggy with them moments away from falling. Takame would be no different if he could cry anymore. If his emotional moments weren't the equivalent of a cornered beast.

But he was a man. One who could still hear his friend's voice. Steady the feelings he had. Think and consider the words he was told.

He half nodded, trying to find his calm again and breathed deeply. Held it for one second, two, three.

Then let it out, slowly.]

I-I...

Don't apologize.

[Waver spoke sharply, but without admonishment--the tone of someone who would simply hear no argument.]

Keep breathing and don't examine the larger picture yet. We're going to take things one step after the other, rather than concentrate on every single process at once.

Y... yes... [He could do that. Possibly because the sharpness of Waver's tone was familiar. In all the best and worst ways it could be.

He took another deep breath, the same amount of time. A third, counting the seconds mentally.

Another memory popped into his mind. Of times he needed to calm both his sister and Zhian and gave them the same instruction. The latter's words reminding him, We gotta take things one step at a time. One foot in fron' of the other n' all that, yeah? For all her nerves she was emotionally wise.

Not like him. He wouldn't dare to call them weak for their moments like this. But he would say it about himself.

He opened his mouth again, about to apologize for said weakness. But he just closed his mouth and nodded.]

Good. [He managed a small, uneasy smile--an attempt at 'reassuring' from someone who very rarely needed to be.]

Focus only on what I'm saying, because I'm going to tell you something important. We can't...fix everything. There's no such thing as a person who can save everyone or one who can bring about a world without conflict. To demand perfection--to strive for the unattainable is to drive oneself mad and come up empty-handed for the efforts.

But that doesn't mean it's a lost cause. Fairytale endings may be just a dream, a knight may not wear shining armor, but heroes exist. They always have, and always will. So long as someone has the strength of heart, will to fight, and ability to act, then the world is worth fighting for even if there's a thousand snakes and demons like Krusnik and no way to be rid of every last one.

[Purity of heart, strength of will, action to match one's speech--the ironclad code of the Fianna.]

We don't have to save the whole world, and we don't have to bear the idea we can't as some kind of failure--we just have to make things better for who we can, where we can. That's all anyone can do.

[Takame gave Waver all of his focus. It helped to steady him as well. As he spoke his truth, Takame couldn't help but feel ashamed of himself in his moments of clarity.

He knew this well. Painfully well. He was one man, not an army. He could be in only one place, follow his orders or his heart in one space at a time. Keep others safe a little at a time, that was the reality of the situation. He wasn't so foolishly idealistic as to think anything else.

He wouldn't ever confess to thinking Waver's words were just that to him right now.

A true knight, indeed. Takame's tone was weak as he spoke.]

To think I would need to be reminded of this.

Sometimes even the obvious needs restating. There isn't anything wrong with that.

[He let out a slow breath, hand still steady on Takame's arm. Completely wrung out emotionally and refusing to show it, because that wasn't how Lord El-Melloi II conducted himself. He was something that couldn't afford to show human weakness, couldn't let himself collapse so long as others were in need of his support. The dream of an ideal knight held up by the icy mask of a pragmatic mage, and the human called Waver Velvet crushed to dust by the need to shine and burn out like any other star.]

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