fionnuisce | kaisou inbox

[Waver paused like he almost wanted to say more, but the color drained from his face at the thought and he swiftly shook his head trying to clear it. After a second to collect himself:]

Well enough to trust his word. Nightroad and I argue on occasion, but he's a good enough kid at heart. Little too serious, but that makes a hell of a lot more sense now.

Edited 2023-03-03 16:42 (UTC)

Mm, I see. I've only seen him on occasion. [The things you don't expect from the barista ringing you up. But the more Takame thought on it, the more rage built in his heart. The more reminders of himself and his experiences. As always his tone was steady and his expression somber but comparatively neutral to the maelstrom in his heart.

A glance at his body language showed how close he was to a boiling point. A tightened grip of his glass and his free hand moving to hover over a scar on the bend of his left arm.

The way his tail trembled and its scales seemed to lift like hair standing on end.]

He's still quite young. Too young to have gone through such a thing.

It's-...

[Waver stopped at a brief glance over to Takame, trailing off and setting his glass down.]

[It was familiar, wasn't it? Called to mind gold eyes burning with murderous rage, paired with a too-calm voice and too-rational mind. He'd had to be rational, because his Master had become a horrified mess surrounded by corpses. Had to push back his indignation and fury for the sake of a terrified child, who even now woke up in the middle of the night from memories of river water and blood.]

Takame. [A light hand was placed on his companion's forearm, marked by the faintest shape of wings and a blade.]

['Look back on this moment saying 'I did the right thing, even if others may blame me for it,' and stand by your decisions no matter what.']

I need you to look at me and take a deep breath. Remember where we are, and try to focus.

[The sheer amount of emotion Takame felt threatened to drown him. He was angry... the only thing he knew he could feel. But he was also afraid, lost in the memories of berating and beating upon failed missions. Incorrect exam answers. A hair or scale out of place.

Interrupted by the body he walked in that was not his. Zenos in his body painting Camp Broken Glass with his allies' blood.

The confusion, concern he felt after he killed Zodiark. He didn't know what it would bring, he knew he failed. He didn't know what Zodiac would bring.

He didn't know what Krusnik would do.

He didn't know...

He didn't know...!!]

...!

[His name being called didn't register, but the touch did. Something to return him to Earth in the midst of his spiral. Though even then, it took his somewhat wild gaze a fair amount of time to focus.

Anyone else would be on the verge of tears, their eyes foggy with them moments away from falling. Takame would be no different if he could cry anymore. If his emotional moments weren't the equivalent of a cornered beast.

But he was a man. One who could still hear his friend's voice. Steady the feelings he had. Think and consider the words he was told.

He half nodded, trying to find his calm again and breathed deeply. Held it for one second, two, three.

Then let it out, slowly.]

I-I...

Don't apologize.

[Waver spoke sharply, but without admonishment--the tone of someone who would simply hear no argument.]

Keep breathing and don't examine the larger picture yet. We're going to take things one step after the other, rather than concentrate on every single process at once.

Y... yes... [He could do that. Possibly because the sharpness of Waver's tone was familiar. In all the best and worst ways it could be.

He took another deep breath, the same amount of time. A third, counting the seconds mentally.

Another memory popped into his mind. Of times he needed to calm both his sister and Zhian and gave them the same instruction. The latter's words reminding him, We gotta take things one step at a time. One foot in fron' of the other n' all that, yeah? For all her nerves she was emotionally wise.

Not like him. He wouldn't dare to call them weak for their moments like this. But he would say it about himself.

He opened his mouth again, about to apologize for said weakness. But he just closed his mouth and nodded.]

Good. [He managed a small, uneasy smile--an attempt at 'reassuring' from someone who very rarely needed to be.]

Focus only on what I'm saying, because I'm going to tell you something important. We can't...fix everything. There's no such thing as a person who can save everyone or one who can bring about a world without conflict. To demand perfection--to strive for the unattainable is to drive oneself mad and come up empty-handed for the efforts.

But that doesn't mean it's a lost cause. Fairytale endings may be just a dream, a knight may not wear shining armor, but heroes exist. They always have, and always will. So long as someone has the strength of heart, will to fight, and ability to act, then the world is worth fighting for even if there's a thousand snakes and demons like Krusnik and no way to be rid of every last one.

[Purity of heart, strength of will, action to match one's speech--the ironclad code of the Fianna.]

We don't have to save the whole world, and we don't have to bear the idea we can't as some kind of failure--we just have to make things better for who we can, where we can. That's all anyone can do.

[Takame gave Waver all of his focus. It helped to steady him as well. As he spoke his truth, Takame couldn't help but feel ashamed of himself in his moments of clarity.

He knew this well. Painfully well. He was one man, not an army. He could be in only one place, follow his orders or his heart in one space at a time. Keep others safe a little at a time, that was the reality of the situation. He wasn't so foolishly idealistic as to think anything else.

He wouldn't ever confess to thinking Waver's words were just that to him right now.

A true knight, indeed. Takame's tone was weak as he spoke.]

To think I would need to be reminded of this.

Sometimes even the obvious needs restating. There isn't anything wrong with that.

[He let out a slow breath, hand still steady on Takame's arm. Completely wrung out emotionally and refusing to show it, because that wasn't how Lord El-Melloi II conducted himself. He was something that couldn't afford to show human weakness, couldn't let himself collapse so long as others were in need of his support. The dream of an ideal knight held up by the icy mask of a pragmatic mage, and the human called Waver Velvet crushed to dust by the need to shine and burn out like any other star.]

Mm. Fo--, ah. [He shook his head. "Forgive me", he almost said. Always needing to show regret for any emotion. He wasn't allowed to feel until well into his adulthood. It would take more than the few years it's been for the habit to break in full.

But in his mind he should keep to it for a bit longer.

It was for that reason he didn't even consider that Waver was hiding behind a mask, just as exhausted. There was just guilt.]

Thank you.

There's nothing you need to thank me for. You're my friend, and you were kind enough to come over so I didn't go insane. Talking out all this shit is fine with me.

My company is the only thing I can offer. But if it has helped you in some form, I am glad.

[Said with a heavy sigh. Useless in anything but a fight...]

Don't be ridiculous. Of course it has, and that's worth something.

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1/2 cw: child abuse mentions

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