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[fionnuisce]

'You've reached Lord El-Melloi II. Leave a message and I'll get back to you.'

[network username: silverrose]

Comments

text; a few days after horror plot

[prunedworlds]

im sorry

[fionnuisce]

[After a few minutes:]

don't be

you didn't do anything wrong

[prunedworlds]

it was still my fault

[fionnuisce]

it was an accident, fujimaru.

none of us were in our right minds. i don't blame you or kenway, so don't blame yourself.

[prunedworlds]

accidents or mistakes still have consequnces



im glad you're alright though

[fionnuisce]

yes, they do. and those consequences in this case are not yours to bear. i don't regret what i did, and i know diarmuid well enough to bet he doesn't either. the two of you survived, and that's all that matters.

i'm glad you're safe.

[prunedworlds]

There's a fairly lengthy pause before the next reply.

i guess i know what you mean, not regretting something like that

but i hope you never have to do that again, especially because of me

[fionnuisce]

i'm not all that eager to do it again myself, don't worry

but i'm not going to blame you. i would have done the same no matter who we were protecting.

[prunedworlds]

i guess i jsut don't want to see anyone else die, especially for my sake

i know you said you don't blame me but i still feel sorry

[fionnuisce]

[...]

I know. I understand exactly how you feel, and I'm sorry to have put you through that. I know there's no brushing aside that kind of guilt or the pain that comes with it.

But it was my decision--our decision--to make. You don't have any reason to apologize for someone else's actions. Diarmuid had the better chance of protecting the two of you, and I wasn't going to let him die again. It's really just as straightforward as that.

[prunedworlds]

i know, that makes sense, i just


sorry

i keep talking about myself whne you guys are the ones who got hurt. nevermind

[fionnuisce]

No, it's fine. What were you going to say?

[prunedworlds]

Once again, there's a long pause before her response.



Even if it's the logical thing to do, or even if it's the only possible option, I'm tired of seeing people die to protect me

[fionnuisce]

[. . .]



has that happened often

[prunedworlds]

a few times

[fionnuisce]

i see--then i really should apologize again. i didn't realize this was something you'd been through so much.

i'm not sorry for protecting you. i know he isn't either. but i know that it

[A long pause, with the occasional '. . .' of active typing.]

it hurts worse than anything, right? like you have to live with something ripped out of your chest and no way to repair it except to wait for time to replace it with a permanent aching scar.

while that kind of agony isn't something i ever want for anyone, it's better to be alive with it than dead without it. because it does heal with time, even if that means the pain only lessens rather than vanishes.

i'm glad you're okay. i'm sorry for hurting you. and i'm also sorry there's nothing i can do to help that pain except give you my full support, because we're all lucky enough to have gotten off light this time.

[prunedworlds]

its not your fault

i just

i guess i dont know what to do

[fionnuisce]

it's okay.

sometimes the best thing to do is nothing. you can just let yourself be upset and hurt over it rather than try to push it back and act like you aren't.

[prunedworlds]

i dont know

i know this isnt chaldea but

i can't just do nothing if something happens here

[fionnuisce]

Of course. It's impossible not to do everything you can, and harder still to stop once the immediate danger's passed.

But you should try looking after yourself as much as you would for others. That's hardly what I would call doing nothing.

[prunedworlds]

i don't know if just being upset counts as looking after yourself

it just gets in the way if something needs to be done doesn't it?

[fionnuisce]

What happens after a catastrophe, Ritsuka? After everything is said and done and the battle over?

Recovery. We pick up the pieces, mourn what was lost, bandage wounds suffered, and only then turn to 'what needs to be done' next.

This is the incredibly necessary point where we need to stop for a minute and breathe, all of us. And in a place like this, we're usually lucky enough to have the luxury of time enough to do that.

[prunedworlds]

There wasn't time for all that before.

But if you say that's how it is here, I guess I can try.

[fionnuisce]

I can understand how that feels, too.

I'd like it if you did. At least try it for my sake, but see if you can keep it up for your own.

[prunedworlds]

All right.

Thank you.