fionnuisce | kaisou inbox

[A Look.]

Waver. I know you told me about his curse or whatever, but come on. You're not a girl, so what is the worst that could happen if you go "hey, I've been in love with you since I was a teenager"? He says no?

It's not just the damn curse, August, it's everything it wound up causing. If you couldn't go ten minutes without some poor compelled woman believing she loved you and having to break their hearts again and again and again. Imagine the kind of reputation that would land someone with, how many people would think you wanted to steal their wives or girlfriends or sisters or what the fuck ever.

Just once I want him to not have to worry about that. His curse might never even come into effect here for all I know, and I don't want to ruin the one chance he might have at not having to deal with untangling the kind of feelings that got him killed.

I'm not worth that. As long as he's happy, that's all I really want.

[. . .

August turns around in his chair to really look at Waver, grabbing his cards to shuffle and break the deck at the same time.]

I'm sorry, I need to you to spell out what you mean by "not worth that". As in, you don't think you're worthy of having feelings for Diarmuid? That you're not worthy of any feelings he may have for you?

...

I...swore I would be something more than I was. I told him I would become the kind of shooting star worth inspiring a hero. And I'm not. I'm a weak coward and a coldhearted bastard mage who just fucks everything up constantly for myself and everyone around me. I'm the same failure I've always been.

Someone like that doesn't have the right to tell him anything of the sort.

[August stops messing with his deck and just Looks at Waver again.

Lowly:]

Like hell you are. You're none of that [except maybe sometimes a bastard] and whatever assholes who told you that can go straight hell. I'll take them there myself if I have to. You're intelligent, and clever, and insanely brave to do a fucking fraction of the shit you've done since arriving here. You've fucked nothing up. And if you really were all of that, do you think Diarmuid cares?

...

[Unfortunately, he was swiftly realizing he'd painted himself into a corner talking to Ritsuka. Arguing the point now would invalidate everything he'd told her, and he'd meant every damn word he'd said.]

Of course he wouldn't. He never did. But I can't just-...I can't, August. I don't want to risk hurting him.

You can, and goddammit you are. [He starts messing with his deck again, pulling out some cards to do a reading but not letting Waver see them.] Do you know how long I sat there, not saying anything to Alex despite knowing I liked him and thinking it was possibly mutual? Almost a full fucking decade, Waver. For exactly the same goddamn reason: didn't want to risk our friendship, didn't want to make it weird, wasn't sure my weird supernatural ass would be good for him, and that's despite him also being ass deep in supernatural shit. The only person you're hurting like this is you, and so fucking help me I do not let my friends self-sabotage like this.

Edited 2023-08-21 20:19 (UTC)

What the hell do you expect me to do? I can't just-...it's not as simple as 'oh hey, by the way after that whole thing where you died in my arms? I realized I was in love with you, just as a heads up'. Or 'I tanked my next relationship because I was terrified of falling for anyone else', or 'also I dated Cervantes because I'm so pathetically fucking lonely that I'll attach myself to any man passably kind to me'?

[...With that frustrated outburst done, Waver dropped into a chair and put his face in his hands.]

...Fuck. What the hell is wrong with me?

Depression.

[He's only half-joking as he looks at his cards.

Reversed High Priestess for Waver (fucking shocker there), upright Page of Pentacles for Diarmuid, and upright Lovers for their relationship.]

Waver. Go tell him. Trust me, you need to tell him. He needs you to tell him.

[well you're not wrong]

I-...I don't know. I don't think that I can.

...I'm not afraid to weaponize forced vacation time, if that'll help. Or I can call him up and leave you two alone in the office.

That is not funny.

Which part, the weaponizing vacation time or calling Diarmuid up?

Both of them, I'm not doing this now and you can't just force me to take another vacation.

Okay, don't do it right now. But do it. You deserve this, Waver. You deserve to be happy, and Diarmuid makes you happy.

...of course he does.

[He sighed, fidgeting uneasily with the pendant around his neck.]

What the hell do I-...how did you manage it?

Edited 2023-08-21 20:55 (UTC)

What, confessing to Alex? I had Elliot record part of the Nutcracker suite so I could make him a custom ringtone for his birthday since the tickets weren't going to be good until December--that's his favorite ballet. Then he asked me if I meant it as a date, I froze, he kissed me, and we both laughed at how stupid we were.

[A beat.]

Saying out loud like that makes me realize how extra I was about it. Hm. [Moving on.] You can probably just get him a gift that means a lot to him as a starter?

...I can't even begin to tell you how much i'm not doing any of that, because I would die of embarrassment halfway through planning.

[jesus christ. he respects the hustle.]

I...I'm not even sure what he'd like.

Hey, you asked.

[Just saying.]

Food's always safe. Alcohol? Pendant like yours?

...I don't really think 'a remnant of the demon boar that killed him' is a great idea.

[grimacing because it sounds bad when you say it like that]

I think-...he might like flowers. Is that too simmplistic? That doesn't feel like enough.

Waver, I'm extra as fuck when it comes to my boyfriend. Flowers are what normal people do, so go for flowers.

I suppose that's true...well, it's worth a try.

Yeah. Trust me, it is.

Fucking hell, I can not believe I'm seriously considering this...Fine. I'll-...I'll try, at least.

Trust me, it'll work out.

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