fionnuisce | kaisou inbox

Ah? [Did... did he say something funny? He just said the truth, though. Wow, Monday March 20, 2023, Takame made someone break out laughing.

Even as Waver explained Kayneth's incredible skill, Takame wouldn't change how he felt. He's met so many others who are experts at strategizing, magitek, combat and everything that he was taught mattered as a child and would think nothing of as well.

Himself included.]

I'll not deny that he was talented. Perhaps even efficient in his methods. However, regardless of what it took, you are the one who is alive now.

I got lucky, and he got careless. Or just too arrogant to know better.

[Waver shrugged, back to uneasily wringing his right hand.]

That memory...it isn't what happened. Diarmuid was fighting Berserker, and I went to confront Kayneth in possibly one of the stupidest decisions I've ever made in my life. There was no way in hell I could ever have won in a flat-out fight--I'm still nowhere near as capable as he was. So I tried to catch him by surprise, until he broke the tree I was hiding in. Damn thing fell right on me and snapped my leg. Never healed quite right, which is why I'm the poster child for 'go to the fucking hospital and don't rely on magecraft'.

He had me completely trapped, and he decided to be magnanimous. Said he'd let me live if I withdrew from the war--that is to say, if I ordered Lancer to kill himself and forefeited my right as a Master. Swore it on his Magic Crest, which frankly meant I completely believed he was telling the truth.

Diarmuid's life or mine. Coward that I was, it should have been an easy decision. Then again...I guess it was easy, in a way.

[He raised his right hand, tapping one side of the faded mark with his left. Two wings and a blade, or some semblance of that shape.]

'Defeat Berserker.' That was the second order I gave to Diarmuid, and because of that he was able to kill Servant and Master alike before Kayneth could recover enough to finish me off.

It didn't matter if I survived. As long as that command was followed, he would have been utterly defeated by a weak third-generation mage. The humiliation alone would have been worse than death.

... [No one seeking a win with a brain would let their opponent live. Arrogance, idiocy.

He shoved that thought back as far as it would go, his fist clenching off screen at even thinking that at all. If Kayneth weren't a fool, if Waver wasn't lucky he would be dead. One of the closest friends he'd made here. Someone that not only Kaisou needed, but surely his own world as well.]

I see. So that's what happened. [He went quiet again. This put things into a little more perspective, but also gave a practical example of what Command Seals could do.] You survived nonetheless.

[That's mages, baby. Survival and common sense took a distant backseat to prestige and status.]

...I did. Barely. That was when I realized how stupid I had been--that the empty prestige Kayneth sought was the same recognition I had been so blindly chasing. I was desperate for acknowledgment for what I was capable of, while the person who had been acknowledging me was already at my side.

['Recognition' and 'acknowledgment' were not the same in Waver's mind, at least not in this context. The former, praise for the end result of generations' work having culminated in power someone like him could never hope to reach. The latter...praise for what could be done now. What could be accomplished by scratching and clawing up from absolutely nothing, seen as worthy of notice and acceptance.]

[The Clock Tower recognized Kayneth. Diarmuid acknowledged Waver Velvet.]

So once I'd recovered enough to continue...on the final night of the war, I gave up my last Command Seal entirely. I swore to him I wouldn't be like Kayneth--that I would work to rebuild the Association from the ground up, to shape it into a place that would accept people like me.

But I wasn't there yet. I wasn't a lord worth following, just a reckless child. I wasn't...ready. But I wanted to fight beside him all the same, with whatever pathetic abilities I had. No seals, no compulsions, just...us, together.

I lived--might have died for a minute or two, but I'm still here. He didn't. And I've been trying to live up to what I said that night ever since.

[Mages weren't that different from Garlean soldiers in that case.

As ever, Takame listened carefully, expression remaining relatively neutral save for a downcast. The way Waver described how he was felt even more similar to Alphinaud. As did the guilt he showed.

None of it was true, even if Waver was a reckless child. None of it was true now. And yet Takame lacked the words to express that he felt that. He could never find the best thing to say unless he copied someone else. He despised it about himself.

The more he learned of Diarmuid as well, the less he felt worthy of being compared to the man. There's another long silence before he managed something.]

You are not like Kayneth. You are a good person.

I appreciate it...I'm not, but that's fine. If I were a good person, I wouldn't be Lord El-Melloi II in the first place.

[He shrugged, lighting a cigarette as a flicker of wire snaked offscreen to open a window.]

I'm a mage. I can't afford to be a good person if I want to accomplish the things I've set out to do. The best I can hope for is 'not as awful as the rest of them'.

Waver... [There's... something in his tone. Whatever it was, it was not positive. Takame didn't know what it was. Angry, sad, threatening, reprimanding, concerned. All of those but none of them at the same time.

And yet once again he could say nothing else. If only because, well. He would be a hypocrite. Heavens knew Takame couldn't afford to be a good person in being the Warrior of Light. The others were, but he was not simply by virtue of what he was before that.

Maybe they're alike in that regard. But Waver's hands weren't stained like his were.]

... My view of you will not change.

...Yeah, I know.

[They were stained enough. As far as his actual successor was concerned, Kayneth had died because of Waver's actions. Which was true, if in a far more direct way than Reines could have possibly known. There was no one alive who actually knew what happened that night. He had never said a word to even the people he trusted, not until now. Out of a reluctance to think on that night? Maybe. Or maybe it was some measure of guilt.]

[No mage could ever hope to refrain from shedding another's blood, and most wouldn't care to hesitate. But he wasn't Kairi, wasn't Maiya, and definitely wasn't Kiritsugu--even after all this, he was still just a coward too weak to fight on his own and too afraid to try.]

Sorry--it's late and all I've done is talk your ear off. I guess I got a bit sidetracked.

Edited 2023-03-21 02:17 (UTC)

[Few were as bloodstained as Takame was. It was his blade that came down on so many, innocent or guilty.

He shook his head.]

Not at all. I was the one who reached out to you and I do not mind listening. Again, thank you for your help. I'll not occupy anymore of your time.

No--it's fine, honestly. You can come to me anytime with whatever you need, about contract things or otherwise. It's not a problem at all.

kaisou inbox

no subject

1/2 cw suicide mention

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject