fionnuisce | kaisou inbox

I love it. [Truly and genuinely.

It was with that curiosity still strong that Diarmuid opened the second note. Something in his heart... twisted. His expression shifted to something more serious, as if in the back of his mind he had a feeling about where the nerves came about but he did everything to ignore it.

It's when he opened the second box that he was left utterly and completely speechless.]

...

[He took the chain in his hand, staring for an uncomfortably long time at the shard of ivory. Waver had kept the sunglasses Diarmuid wore for a sense of protection, for womens' protection, Waver had kept this relic. The very thing that ended him. The very thing that gave him another chance at life, even if as per a knight's duty it was one born into war. Born to die.

He would never begrudge Waver for keeping it. Especially given the circumstances, the risks of it ending up in the hands of someone rotten to the core.

But it would be a lie to say he didn't want to wince thinking about it sometimes. That he didn't recall how cold everything felt, the unspeakable pain in his core, the sound of water droplets falling to the ground and half-hearted steps in the grass as everything went black. He didn't dare let those thoughts free, even now he closed his eyes as if to will them away and instead remember who sat before him.

As much as he wouldn't let the ugliness in his heart escape, he would not dare to allow Waver to think that this wasn't one of the best things Diarmuid could ever receive.

The gift of having a choice.]

Waver... [It took willpower to keep his tone even, but it was quiet as if his composure held on by a thread. It's rare that Diarmuid ua Duibhne was rendered speechless. So he would let action speak for him, taking Waver's hand in his with a little squeeze and bringing it to his lips without another word.]

I-I...kept it for a lot of reasons, truthfully. [Because he still needed it. Because there was next to nothing else left. Because it was that single little shard that had started this whole thing, ultimately resulting in making Waver everything he was today.]

But it's long since served its purpose. I don't have any need of it, and it's not up to me to decide what becomes of it now.

[Waver moved a little closer, other hand brought up to gently brush against Diarmuid's face.]

...Is...this okay? Are you okay?

Edited 2024-01-01 05:21 (UTC)

... Yes. I'm alright.

[Another light squeeze of his hand.]

I promise you that I am. [He was emotional to be certain. But he was not hurt by the fact Waver gave this to him. It couldn't be further from the opposite.]

Waver... [A pause, as if to find the right words.] All you give to me I have endless gratitude towards. Among them all... the most precious to me has always been "do what you believe is right."

You allow me to follow my heart. Encourage and support it. [Though as a knight he must ever follow the orders of his Master, Waver used his command over Diarmuid to enforce him to do so. He wasted his command just for Diarmuid to follow his heart's will.]

Even with this... [He trailed off, not knowing right now how he would handle this choice he was given and suddenly filled with anxiety. He began to lean in whispering against Waver's lips before closing the distance if allowed.]

Thank you.

[And of course he'd be allowed to; Waver's own boundaries on touch were drawn in the lightest semblance of lines, and he chose caution in return for Diarmuid's sake far more than his own.]

...don't have anything to thank me for. [He returned that kiss with his own, arms brought around Diarmuid in as comforting a gesture as he could manage. Running a gentle hand through his hair, pressing a second smaller kiss to his forehead.]

I just want you to be happy. You should have the right to live however you want and do whatever you wish to, especially here. And if there's anything I can do to facilitate that, of course I'm going to do it.

[How could Diarmuid do anything but lean into that touch? He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and relaxed with the contact. For the moment he set the shard of ivory aside just to put both his arms around Waver. To encourage that hold on him.]

That is worthy of being thankful for, Waver. I couldn't possibly express it enough times... [This meant the world to him. It meant everything and more. He insisted by pulling Waver in closer instead of speaking the words that were still lost to him.]

I don't need gratitude. Knowing you're content is worth much more to me than that. [He leaned his forehead against Diarmuid's, hugging him a little tighter. If he could offer even a fraction of the safety and security Diarmuid gave him just by being nearby, then he was going to try his damndest to make sure he was doing it.]

I love you.

I love you, too. [He was content, he was happy in this strange new world and this stranger new era. Being given yet another one in a hundred million chance to not just be a worthy knight, but to be Diarmuid ua Duibhne.

Again, there was barely any distance between them and again did Diarmuid go in for a kiss to last longer in lieu of words that would probably be lost to the ether for a bit more time. Strange for Diarmuid to be the protected, so to speak. But he would never decline.

They were both knights. And asking a knight not to protect was asking them not to breathe.]

[That contact and reassurance was something Waver wanted and Diarmuid needed, so it was a given that Waver would reciprocate without hesitation; leaning against him for support, returning that kiss with wholehearted enthusiasm.]

[It was so much better this way, living as people independent of titles or epithets. Just themselves, not Lancer and Lord El-Melloi II. Liberating, almost, to answer to only the other's expectations and no other.]

[It was a strange thing, wasn't it? To be summoned as a Servant and given the chance to take it as though it was a genuine new chance at life. Instead of existing for the Holy Grail War alone. Lancer and Lord El-Melloi II did, but Diarmuid and Waver were just two people, partners in all walks.

Diarmuid held Waver steady in his arms, making it so Waver had to lean less and simply rely on Diarmuid's pull more. He separated enough a few times for them to breathe, but once that was done went right back into kissing Waver. He was overcome with emotion at the moment, and all he wanted to do was express it physically.]

[It was a little dizzying--both literally and otherwise--to realize where he was and how he'd gotten to this point. Being reunited with an iteration of his most beloved friend that he'd known to be lost forever, being loved as unconditionally as he loved that person in return, finally able to stand on equal ground even if Waver's foundations were shaky at best.]

...you deserve so much more than I can give you. But I...still want to try. [A breathless affirmation in the smallest of space between them, hands wandering to Diarmuid's waist and resting just barely under his shirt.]

[Equal ground as any, though the foundation that mattered the most to Diarmuid was very specific. One of trust rather than station. Diarmuid once walked a fractured path, vines and brambles cracking through the earth ready to slice and puncture him, inflict wounds he would never clean.

He looked back on that path, seeing the damage to it but not himself.

It was a process of learning to walk again, standing side by side with Waver on this new even road step by step.

He felt sparks run down his sides with Waver's hands under his clothes. An excitement fueled by his high running emotions. He smiled sweetly, nodded and to enforce his desire spoke it aloud.]

All you offer to me I will gladly receive. [He leaned into the touch.] I want you.

[He didn't understand it. He might never understand it. Maybe he'd never be able to see what cowardly and broken Waver Velvet had to offer that would be worth so much to a hero. His hero, especially.]

[But he didn't have to understand it. Who Diarmuid did or didn't choose to love was his own choice to make, and Waver would accept that even if the reasoning was beyond him. Would reciprocate with his whole heart, pressing a kiss with a hint of a smile to his knight's throat.]

I was just about to say the very same thing.

[Those who fear insurmountable odds but take them on nonetheless are the most worthy of being called heroes. It was because Waver was this "coward" that Diarmuid called him brave.

Because he was so human. That's all Diarmuid needed to understand as he leaned into that kiss to his throat with a sigh.]

Tell me what you want of me... and I'll do the same. [Aside from, of course, more.]

... [There was a quiet hum as Waver turned something over in his head, and when the answer came it was something ventured cautiously:]

...Let me take over this time? If--if you'd be comfortable with that, I mean.

[Diarmuid didn't mind the caution in his steps. The answer would no less be the same, but he'd always say for certain.]

I was just about to ask the very same thing. [And again, to confirm:] I'd like you to take over this time, Waver.

[His smile was a bit wider, a bit more wanting with the edges of it holding a thrill he couldn't fully contain.]

O-okay.

[Not the world's most confident start, but he'd get there. That smile certainly asked no less of him, Waver matching it with his own before gently guiding Diarmuid to sit on the couch--a few more light kisses to his throat for unnecessary incentive.]

Just let me know if you want me to stop or anything like that, alright?

[He let out a huff of a laugh, not at Waver's expense but rather part of the affection overflowing from him with simply nowhere to go, what a shame.

Of course he let himself be guided to the couch and craned his neck to give Waver more room to kiss and feel his pulse.]

I swear that I will tell you. [His arms went around Waver's waist and tightened.] So keep going. Have me to your heart's desire. Please.

[He was definitely not going to survive this. How exactly was it fair that Waver was still the flustered one when he was far more than practically in Diarmuid's lap?]

[Well, probably because it was hard to hold onto the illusion of a power dynamic knowing the knight was more than powerful enough to easily pick him up an--no, no, focus, don't get distracted.]

Anything you say. [And to stop either of them talking and better gather his thoughts, Waver pressed back against him in a sudden and thorough kiss.]

[Given who Diarmuid was known as, most would be intimidated. But Waver and Waver alone was the one who had his heart and who would have him like this.

The kiss didn't take Diarmuid by surprise as much as it thrilled him more. Thoughts could be cleared from his mind, the weight of a shard of ivory so heavy being rightfully in his hands and what he must do with it.

The immense adoration he had shown in the returned kiss, the hints that Waver could deepen it to his liking, the slips of Diarmuid attempting to do so himself.

And that nearly tied braid becoming completely undone by Diarmuid's hand just to bury it deeper and brush against the back of his neck.]

[It was never a matter of reputation or intimidation with Waver; only a question of if he was worth this love and attention, which in his own mind was a question with a depressing answer. But how could one ever be intimidated by the source of their absolute safety?]

[So he bit back on his nerves and let that deeply distracting touch relax him, pushing gently on Diarmuid's shoulders to encourage him to lie back with Waver hovering over him--kissing along his throat and jawline, with a teasing bite to the juncture of neck and shoulder.]

...is this okay? [Breathless and flished scarlet, but still taking exceptional care in treading new ground.]

[They were alike in that regard. Never knowing whether they were worthy for the other or not. Never feeling like they were, but no less falling deep into the touch.

He leaned back at Waver's light pressing gladly exposing his neck again even before Waver began kissing.

And at that light nipping his breath hitched, his hold tightened.]

Yes... yes it is. [He'll answer honestly every time, every assurance he'll give patiently and openly while he started to flush from the warmth.]

[Wandering hands stroked gentle lines along his sides, drifting to his hips with a squeeze that was almost more teasing than anything--testing boundaries and starting to settle into the role enough to enjoy himself in turn.]

...you're beautiful, you know.

So are you.

[Said without skipping a beat, that hand in his hair moving trace along Waver's jawline. In wordless encouragement Diarmuid pressed himself into that squeeze of his hips. Keep going, he wants this. He wants you to take the reins, Waver.]

[Which he would, after a bit of an uncertain start; a little encouragement went a long way, and when all he wanted was Diarmuid's comfort and approval... Well, that was very good incentive to put in as much effort here as he did with everything else; in painstaking detail and with copious amounts of double-checking just to be abundantly sure he was doing everything correctly.]

[Which, eventually, led to a very comfortably exhausted Waver lying next to Diarmuid, arms drapped loosely around his neck and an affectionate hand stroking through his hair.]

[...Honestly, he could get used to this.]

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