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[fionnuisce]

'You've reached Lord El-Melloi II. Leave a message and I'll get back to you.'

[network username: silverrose]

Comments

[fionnuisce]

I know. I realize that, logically, even if Shounagon and the others hadn't made it abundantly clear. It's...just not the easiest thing to accept.

[Setting the glasses aside, he ran a restless hand through his hair with a slow breath to collect himself.]

...I've seen some shit no one else ever should have to, and I've been through hell and back. There have been times when there were people there to help me through it, but for most of my life...it's just been me.

And I'm not saying any of this to make myself out to be some pitiful mess of a person, I'm saying it because it fundamentally fucked me up. And I don't think I fully understood how badly it did until all this happened.

[drewthetower]

[August is silent for a minute, thinking. He can't really help with that, he's not a therapist, but he wants to at least support Waver. Somehow. God.]

Well...seriously, my offer stills stands. That's about all I can do, other than sew shit. [...] And warn you that Ryouta can turn into a swan. I hate to drop that on you like this, but. Like. I don't think you wanna find that out if he turns into a swan mid-exam.

[fionnuisce]

[And, gratefully: successfully distracted.]

...Are there any of us who can't turn into birds?

[drewthetower]

I don't think Elliot can? I know Rean can't?

[fionnuisce]

No, Elliot's something else, talking to him about it is when I got cursed myself.

[Sigh. At least it's something better(?) to talk about.]

Fucking city's a mess.

[drewthetower]

Understatement. I can turn into a shadow-thing on top of my other bullshit.

[fionnuisce]

I'm hoping the bird's the worst I have to contend with, but I'm not holding my breath.

...That said, it isn't that bad so long as I keep it under control. Hell of a lot easier to get around in that form.

[drewthetower]

Flying is literally the best goddamn thing in the world.

[fionnuisce]

Yeah, it's...surprisingly pretty nice. I was never much for heights, but I can't very well complain.

[drewthetower]

It's different when you're flying than when you're in a plane or on a roof or something. Honestly, if I could I'd fly everywhere as a bird. I just don't wanna try and explain where I came from to the normies.

[fionnuisce]

No kidding. If I could get to class through a window without anyone asking obnoxious questions, I probably would. Imagine, never having to deal with stairs for the rest of my life.

[drewthetower]

Forget stairs, no more traffic.

[fionnuisce]

If only it were that easy.

[...]

Wait, shit, is this still going to stick when I get home?

[drewthetower]

[Shrug!]

No idea, no one who's gone home has come back to report on that, I don't think. At least, no one I've spoken to.

[fionnuisce]

I'm so screwed if I'm stuck with this. The Association's going to blow their fucking stack when they find out.

[at least he's stressed about something normal(?)]

[drewthetower]

Why? Other than them being dicks.

[fionnuisce]

Mostly that reason, actually. People can't just shapeshift, that's more a vampire thing. Bestial magecraft is something else, and even that's supposed to cause incredible strain. Add on to that the fact that a phoenix is probably classified as a Phantasmal, and that all adds up to a lot of 'Magic-Crest-In-A-Jar' solutions real fucking fast.

[drewthetower]

...are these people okay?

[fionnuisce]

August.

I'm the only normal person in the Mage's Association.

[and fucking look at him]

[drewthetower]

[. . .]

Jesus fucking Christ.

[fionnuisce]

The thing you need to understand is...however rigid an aristocracy as you can imagine, it's worse. It's drilled into the entire society as a basic truth that one's worth is equal to their power, and their power is equal to the strength of their bloodline. Everything, everything that mages are is geared towards a single goal that I'm not going to bore you to death with the details of, and the generations of lives and time spent to get there is nothing but a means to that end.

[He sighed, running a hand through his hair.]

Mages aren't human. They're murderous, bloodthirsty, backstabbing monsters. And this whole thing's just served to remind me that I've turned into more of one than I wanted to.

[drewthetower]

Waver. I'm a fucking half-demon and I'm still human. [He thinks, anyway. He's choosing to think that.] Mages are still human, most of them are just fucking jackasses. I didn't see your...whatever the hell we're gonna call that thing with the Black Order's app, but I know you and you are not a monster. But you are a mage. Ergo et cetera et cetera.

[fionnuisce]

That's not-... [He took a slow breath, unfolding the sunglasses and settling them on his head.] I mean that they've cut themselves off from sentiment and attachment. Anything that makes life worth living rather than a stepping stone for a bloodline's advancement. I can't call that anything but a monster.

My point is I've been turning into my predecessor. And I can't lose myself to something like that.

[drewthetower]

[Sounds more like a robot than a monster, but he won't argue semantics right now.]

But you caught yourself.

[fionnuisce]

...I don't know. More like I'm actively in the process of catching myself. I have to be Lord El-Melloi II, but I can't be like the person who held the title before me. So it's...just finding somewhere in the middle.